Mamas Who Inspire: Rebecca Woolf of Girl’s Gone Child

Creator of the hugely popular Girl’s Gone Child blog, mom of four (son Archer, 7, daughter Fable, 3, and twin girls Boheme and Reverie, 1), published author—yup, Rebecca Woolf pretty much epitomizes inspiring. And after having breakfast with her one recent morning in L.A., I’m adding “thoughtful,” “wise,” and “hilarious” to the list.   What inspired Girl’s Gone Child (GGC)? I was 23 when Archer was born. I didn’t have any friends who had kids, no mom groups. I had no way to process the parenting experience other than writing about it. And people slowly started reading. I honestly feel like I really got lucky. There were, like, 10 bloggers that I knew of writing about this stuff at the time (2005), and we were all doing it because we loved it and had something to say or ask. And then over time we recognized that we could have ads and a book deal and all these other things, which was amazing because at the time I was working four jobs. Finally earning money from GGC must have felt so empowering after spreading yourself so thin. Yeah, like when my husband Hal and I got our first apartment, it was 500 square feet. We had no money. It was kind of a scary situation. But we were like, “We’re going to make this work.” And that’s sort of how it’s always been; we’ve gone back and forth between terrible years and great windfalls. Especially once you become parents, taking care of your relationship can be really challenging. How do you and Hal manage it? If it wasn’t for Archer, Hal and I would have broken up—we’d only been together for three months when I got pregnant. But because I was pregnant, we were like, “F--- it, let’s see what happens.” So we eloped to Vegas, and our whole family was sort of built around Archer. He gave us the amazing gift of each other. The great part about marrying someone who you didn’t really know and being together when you had nothing is that whenever things start to feel rough again you know you can get through it. But because Hal and I never had alone time, because Archer was always part of the picture, we also had to learn how to be a couple instead of a couple of parents.

How did you do that? We had to start forcing ourselves to go on dates. And then there was a point when Archer was older when Hal and I almost called it quits and, in the middle of that, Hal was like, “I never got you a ring, and that’s always upset me.” Because we’d just gone and gotten married, we’d never had that moment of, “Do you want to be with me?” It was always just, “I guess we’ll be together.” So I said to Hal, “Well, this is the worst timing, but okay….” And the first thing I found was this. [Shows me her ring, a champagne diamond fused with a black onyx.] And I was like, “This is the one. It’s so us, the darkness and the light, and marriage isn’t this perfect diamond of a thing.” Because it’s not. It’s about trying to balance those different sides. Hal did the whole on the knee and said, “Will you stay married to me?” And I felt like, I think we can do this. And we have. How did parenthood change your creative self? When I got pregnant with Archer, I was told, “This is it for you career-wise.” Because especially in your 20s, parenthood feels like the end of career life, social life, the end of life, basically. So I was sort of determined to show everyone. But I think I just really loved writing and wasn’t going to stop. And then when I was able to do it professionally…I feel extremely lucky obviously, but I also pretty regularly have moments where writing about my life feels weird. Like there are times I sort of want to close GGC up. Because I can’t really separate personal from professional. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m doing things for the sake of the experience or because it’s a story I can then write about. Have you found ways to draw some distance? I still haven’t mastered it. When Archer went to kindergarten, I basically decided to stop writing about him. So I write about him occasionally, but we talk about why I want to. I never post anything about anyone on my blog without showing them first. And I feel like everyone’s on board. I’ve never had anyone in my family say, “I wish you hadn’t said that.” Everyone’s constantly talking about how to “have it all” as moms or feeling like a failure if we don’t. What’s your saving grace as a mom? I think it’s not expecting myself to be anything other than what I am. Perfect example: Usually just the nails on my left hand are painted ‘cause I’m not left handed and I can’t paint my right hand. I could practice my whole life and I will never be left-handed. So as a parent and wife and blogger and writer, that’s sort of my analogy for making it work. I’m never going to be the mom who’s early and goes to the PTA meeting and feels like she fits in. I’m never going to be the mom who makes valentines with, like, lollipops and hands. So I’m not even going to try. I can be a great parent in other ways. The other day I was dropping Archer off at school and he said, “How fast do I run?” Because we’re always late. And I first thought, That’s so terrible! But then I realized, It’s also just kind of the way it is. And Archer wasn’t saying it like, “F---ing mom.” He was just like, “This is my life: Do I run kind of fast or super fast?” And he’s cool with it, you know? So my saving grace is acknowledging that I’m never going to paint with my left hand and that’s okay. Any words of wisdom for someone becoming a parent for the first time? Ignore everybody, ignore everything. If you hear too much noise, you can’t hear yourself. And parenting is so instinctual. How about advice for parents about to have a second child? For me, there was fearlessness in having a second. I knew I could keep one alive because I had proof. So with Fable, it could be more fun. Also, nothing brings me more joy than seeing my kids interact. The best thing I ever did was give my kid a sibling. It’s kind of like how you love your husband and then you see him as a father and you love him in a whole new way. You see your kid as a sibling and not only are you getting another child to love, but you get to love your first child in this new way. What’s a typical mom day for you? So I have a sitter, a nanny—I’m dealing with the nanny word—who comes every weekday at 7 a.m. because my husband has to be at work at 6:30 a.m., so he’s long gone by the time everyone is awake. She gets the babies ready while I get the big kids ready. I take the big kids to school and then I go work at a coffee shop near our house. Tamara leaves by 2 p.m. I pick Archer up from school and we play, go on walks. Then we pick up Fable from school. When Hal comes home, we divide and conquer with our feeding because the kids’ schedules are different. So I get the babies fed and ready for bed and Hal helps the big kids. And then after I put the twins down, we do story time with Archer and Fable. And by the time all that’s done, in an ideal world it’d be 8 p.m., but it’s usually 9 p.m. And then Hal and I eat dinner because [laughs] that’s the only time we really have. And then there’s, like, an hour where we watch a show, talk, maybe do a little work. We’re usually not in bed until midnight, which is bad, but there it is. How does babywearing play a part in your life? So if I ever talk to anyone with twins, I’m like, “You need to get on this babywearing.” The whole time Bo and Revi were infants, I was always wearing one of them. And now it’s great for things like getting them in and out of the car; I put one in the pack and hold the other one. Plus, I love the idea that women have been wearing babies since the beginning of time. They pushed them out, strapped them on, and went back to whatever they were doing. There was this feeling of, I’m doing my thing and you’re with me. I remember I’d strap Archer on and take him with me everywhere, to concerts, record stores. I was free to be exactly who I wanted to be and he got to come on all those little journeys. Babywearing helps me feel limitless. What’s surprised you about motherhood? I don’t think I was prepared for how much my kids would teach me. Like when Archer was 4, we were at a four-way intersection and he said, “Everyone is going in a different direction trying to get to the same place.” It affected me so profoundly because it’s true; we’re all part of the same journey. I wasn’t expecting my kids to be little prophets. I think all children are. I think they’re closer to something that’s divine and inexplicable, you know?