Going back to work after giving birth? Erin Erenberg, a licensed attorney and advocate for mothers' rights, covers the unrealistic expectation that women can "do it all," and the need for systemic support for mothers. She discusses practical tips for returning to work regarding managing household responsibilities via deliberate communication and division of labor within families, even when a parent choses to stay at home. She implores mothers to ask for what they need and to be gentle with themselves, stressing the importance of supporting mothers' ambitions and well-being. Erin shares her own challenges of motherhood, advocating for a shift from the idea of "having it all" to being whole and present. 

What We Discuss

(0:00) Introduction  (1:17) How do you do it all? Focus on being whole. (07:15) You will have many titles in this world, but remember who YOU are  (11:28) Learning how to ask for help  (18:10) You are not the problem - we were never meant to parent alone  (26:53) Going to work after baby  (31:15) The importance of communicating with your partner and being deliberate  (40:10) Babywearing saved me – must have product  (42:15) Worrying about entitlement keeps Erin up at night  (43:28) You are not alone, even if you feel like you are 

Resources + Show Notes

Ergobaby | ergobaby.com • instagram.com/ergobaby • tiktok.com/@ergobabyofficial  Erin Erenberg | chamberofmothers.com • instagram.com/chamberofmothers • instagram.com/totumwomen

Transcript

(0:00) Introduction  

[Erin Erenberg]  What I want every mom to know is that if you think you're the only one doing it wrong, that is a big fat lie. And I need you to know right now, you're not doing it wrong. It's not you doing it wrong.  You were never meant to mother in isolation. You were meant to mother with support and you need a mother when you have your baby. I can think of no more important time to feel mothered, to feel loved, to feel cocooned, to feel supported.  And if you're listening to this right now and you feel alone and you feel like you're not doing it right, I promise you it's not you.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Erin Erenberg is changing the game for mothers. As a licensed attorney, she has worked at a variety of companies from the Academy of Country Music to Omaze.  And that was all before launching her own company, Totem Women and Chamber of Mothers, which is a nonprofit that advocates for mothers' rights. Now she is writing a book on how women are complicit in holding themselves as well as each other back from living their full potential. Welcome to the podcast, Erin.  How are you?  [Erin Erenberg]  I'm well, thanks, Brandi. How are you? Delighted to be here.  

(1:17) How do you do it all? Focus on Being Whole 

[Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  So I'm going to get into the first question that I think a lot of parents want to know, and especially mothers.   How do you do it all? And by you, how do WE do it all? What's your concept and what's your thought around that?   [Erin Erenberg}  I think it's BS. That's my concept around it. I think we have been sold a lie that women can, quote unquote, have it all, do it all.  I think that is a lie that benefits people who are not women. I think it keeps us covered in domestic unpaid labor, as well as out there hustling and exhausting ourselves to make a dollar in this capitalistic framework in which we find ourselves. And I know because I'm connected with so many moms across this country, that women are exhausted, women are depleted, and it's not serving us.  It's not serving our families. It's not serving the greater culture. That idea was really not designed for us.  If you were to look at it in sort of an optimistic way, in a generous way, perhaps the thought is that, you know, a woman shouldn't have to choose that she should be able to have her babies and be present with them and be as ambitious as she wants to be. The truth of the matter is we all only have so much time. We all only have so much energy.  We need support. We need a system, a social system that supports women and mothers to be and do all that they want to do. We need an understanding that when you're in a partnership, all partners need to be involved in the child rearing and not just when they're babies.  You know, you and I have older kids now. It gets harder in a lot of ways. I mean, I often say, I feel I need to clone myself.  So you have three kids times all the interests that they're into, and you want to really empower them to be everything that they want to experience and explore. It really takes a team. And so in inside a culture and a construct where we don't really have the village of yore, a lot of us move off and away from our families.  I think that idea of having it all can be quite dangerous. What I, the reframe that I created for myself, when I was really grappling with this and Brandi, that happened when I had our third, I felt like I was doing okay in motherhood until I had our third.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  It's always the third.  [Erin Erenberg}  It's like the last child is the one that's like, it takes it out of you.   [Erin Erenberg}  It really does. And it knocked me on my butt.  And I started working with an executive coach because I was looking at leaving the corporate world and starting something of my own that would serve mothers. I was journaling and I said, I think having it all is a myth. And she really pressed me on that.  And I said, you know what I think women need to aspire to, especially after we've crossed into that, you know, through that portal into motherhood is being whole is, you know, because whole is something we can all be, we can all aspire to at any point in our life. And Brandi, your whole is going to look different from mine. And there's no judgment around that.  And it really requires us getting clear on our values. Who is it that we want to be? Not only what we want to do, who do we want to be? How do we want to be? Get clear on those values, define them in our own language, and then structure our days and weeks in a way that provides an opportunity to be whole. So that likely means tapping in help, whether that be your partner, your family, we made the choice to move across the country to be closer to family so that we could all be more whole.  So that's the way I think about it. And that's the reframe that I'd offer.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  I love that.  And the idea of wholeness, wholeness, it's so funny. I was having this conversation yesterday with someone, I said, we have to think about what is it that we want? Like, what is it that you want? And what does it cost? What does it that you want? And I think so many of us as women, we've been taught not to ask ourselves that. Like, what is it that we want? What's our values? What's important to us? And even also, what's important to us as individuals? Not as a mother, not as a partner, not as a daughter or sister or cousin or whoever, but as just Erin, as just Brandi.  What is it that I want? What is it that I need? I don't think we ask ourselves that question nearly enough. How is it that we want to even show up?   [Erin Erenberg}  It's true. We don't.  And I think as women, we're sort of taught not to. Desire is something that we're taught in so many ways not to want. That ambition is not a feminine ideal.  All of these things, this is wanting, right? And even jealousy. So understanding what is that feeling of like, I want what she has and having that not be negative, having that be, I celebrate her. And I acknowledge this feeling inside of me is that I want it.  There has been in culture, this idea that wanting is tied to something wrong and women feel this need to be good. What about instead of that, we were to tap into, I want to be whole. And to your point, that requires, what do I want?   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  What is it that I want?   [Erin Erenberg}  Who was I, who have I been my whole life in all the different seasons before I became a mother? And not having it be sort of fractioned apart and you're putting these puzzle pieces together into wholeness.  And it's too, I think, like knowing that in that wholeness, there's a person there.   [Erin Erenberg}  Absolutely.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  When we become mothers, that somewhere in there, we get buried, right? Like buried in like the rubble of motherhood. 

(07:15) You will have many titles in this world, but remember who YOU are  

And all the other titles. And it's so funny because it was during my wedding shower many, many years ago, this mom, she said to me, she was an older woman, but she said this to me and I didn't really grasp it then, but it's something that I hold on to now as like my North star. But she said, you will have many titles in this world.  You will be so-and-so's wife, Jon's wife. You will be maybe so-and-so's mother. I said, but I need you to remember that you are Brandi, that you are still Brandi. Remember her. Now that I'm older and, you know, I have multiple kids and I have all these different titles. I now know what she meant by that.  [Erin Erenberg}  Well, what makes you feel your Brandi-ness?   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  When I do the things that little girl Brandi did, when I think of her, when I think of little girl Brandi writing her first book at eight years old and publishing it in her elementary school library.   [Erin Erenberg}  So cool.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  When I think of her, that's when I feel full, like full. And I feel like my full self when I make her proud.   [Erin Erenberg}  I love that, I love that.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  You know, because she's that part of me that although there's trauma and all these other things, she's the unbothered, she's the person that wants freedom and will go after freedom.  And so when I think of her, I think that's when I'm my most Brandi.   [Erin Erenberg}  I love that.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  How about you?   [Erin Erenberg}  Learning.  When I'm able to learn and be curious and immerse myself in a culture, a language, food, that's not what I know.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Yeah.   [Erin Erenberg}  I, there's sort of this at once I'm losing myself and finding myself.  I was standing in Florence with the kids and of course they're annoyed because it's hot and I have them on some walking tour and it's just a feeling of the knowledge washing over me, learning about the, the meta-cheese and the guilds and all that. It was just this lovely experience. And I really remembered the germ of that curiosity that I've had since I was a little girl. And the reason I loved learning about other people and cultures since I was little, probably similar to you bringing that little girl into your writing experience. I bring that into all of my experience with advocacy. There is this empathy that comes from a genuine curiosity and joy about learning and different ways of thinking and doing.  And that is truly my essence.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  That's wonderful.  [Erin Erenberg}  And there's a goofiness, too, that, you know?  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Of Course! Yes, it's always there!   [Erin Erenberg}  Yeah, that's a big part of my essence too. When I'm able to be goofy and dance in the kitchen and just crack terrible jokes that maybe only I get that's when I feel most like myself. 

(11:28) Learning how to ask for help 

How can any mom even work at all given that we are the default caretakers? I think we have to, and this goes back to wanting, this goes back to allowing ourselves permission to one, discover what we want, acknowledge that ambition is A, a good thing and B, looks different for everybody else.  It's wanting. It's wanting and then pouring yourself into what you want. I think we have to take away any judgment or guilt or whatever that we have about wanting something outside the home and then putting together a plan to support that wanting.  So if I want to go back to work after having a baby, whether baby one, two, three, number one, looking at how quickly do I want to go back to work? And by the way, that's a privilege. That's privilege thinking because many people across this country can't afford to take leave. One in four women are back to work in two weeks after having a baby in this country.  And so it's a privilege to think, to, to be even able to pause and say, what do I want? I mean, so many people live in childcare deserts below the poverty line and, and these are amazing women. So capable. I want to acknowledge that, that wanting and that being is so important for everyone.  And one of the reasons I'm fighting to change things in this country is that not all of us have the ability to act on our wanting in the way that we ought to be able to in a world where we don't have a day of federal paid family and medical leave. So many women are not really faced with a choice. They have to go back to work right away.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Absolutely.   [Erin Erenberg}  If you are faced with that choice, I think then you're in a situation where you're honest with yourself and you say, how much time do I need to be at home and myself recover and also care for my new baby, my new life to set up sort of a new framework with my partner. If I have one around who's doing what and how we are juggling everything that we want in our lives and to be very intentional about carving that out.  I really like to tell moms, please don't be afraid to ask your employer for what you need. You might be very surprised if you come from a place of empathy and say, for example, look, I really want to do the best job I possibly can here. I want to stay as long as I can.  I have, you know, I love this company. I love what we're doing. I love the purpose of it and I want to stay engaged and loyal as long as I can.  Here's what I'm thinking. I need to make that happen and then be very clear. I'm looking for this amount of time of leave.  Maybe I'm looking at phasing in when I come back, maybe it's a two or three days a week for a month or so. I think a lot of women need to know that while you are not guaranteed some extension because you lack childcare, you can in many States get an extension if you're dealing with some kind of postpartum anxiety or depression. That is something where there are accommodations that are available to you, if you need that.   Being very clear about what you need, finding out the rights that you have in your state, and then also taking your employer on in the journey and really asking for what you need. I was really surprised the first time I went back to work after baby number one, I was at a tech company and I was the fourth employee there. And we had gone from five employees to a series A and a series B. And then I had our baby and they wanted me to go from LA where I was living to the headquarters in San Francisco once a week for a couple days a week.  And I said, I can't do this unless I bring our nanny along. I am not ready to be away from my baby. I'm not ready to stop my breastfeeding journey, which I would have to, to be in San Francisco a couple of days a week.  What if you were to pay for my nanny to come along? You were to fly her there. I stayed with uncles, my husband's uncle is there. I was lucky in that way. She stayed with them and they said yes. And I didn't threaten them.  I just invited them into my reality. And I think sometimes, you know, I remember Brandi when before I had babies - I had them at 34. A lot of my friends had already had babies. I had no clue. And I went back and apologize.  I just truly had no clue what it was like to juggle what they were juggling. Many times, that's the same for your employer. You don't have to overshare, quote unquote, but to invite them into your reality, this is what I'm going to need. I want to be as successful for you as I possibly can. How about this setup?   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Asking, like you said, just asking that right there is huge.  [Erin Erenberg}  Huge.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Because I, I don't think we do that nearly enough.   [Erin Erenberg}  No.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  The worst thing that can happen is that they're like, no. I mean, that's the worst.  [Erin Erenberg}  It is.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Yeah, that's it. You know, I think that this is the very thing that's keeping a lot of women up at night.  We're dealing with, you know, and in silence, might I add, you know, postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression. And we're really struggling to get back into the groove of things. And how do I get back into the groove? And then it's one of those things I know for postpartum anxiety, you feel kind of like everyone sees your slip showing and you feel more anxiety because of that, just to hear that that's even something that can be put in place.  If you need more time or working from home, I think that's going to help so many people.   [Erin Erenberg}  Yeah. And you bring up such a good point about the shame that the slip is showing is such a good way to say it.  And it really breaks my heart that so many women feel like that. And I've, and I'm sure you've encountered this too, Brandi, but so many moms that I know didn't realize what they were going through until looking back. They realize after, oh my goodness, I, that was me.  And I didn't even know what the signs were. I was told, you know, I told my doctor, I felt kind of low and they asked, oh, you know, are you thinking, do you have thoughts of harming yourself for your baby? And if you say no, they're like, well, you're fine. It's a whole spectrum.  Yeah. And there just needs to be so much more support.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  I mean, even if it's just like, I don't feel like myself and not, and it's beyond the, I don't feel like myself because I just had a baby, but I really don't feel like myself.  [Erin Erenberg}  And I think what we can do together is just to be in community with each other and say, say more about that, Brandi. You don't feel like yourself? Say more about that.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Yeah. What does that feel like? What does that mean for you?   [Erin Erenberg}  Right.  

(18:10) You are not the problem - we were never meant to parent alone 

[Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  What would you say to a mom that might be asking herself, what am I doing wrong? Because this feels so overwhelming that I think I'm going to break. Certainly other moms don't feel this way. What would you say to them?   [Erin Erenberg}  First of all, I would encourage her to open up and talk more about it.  Say more about that. What does that feel? What's the hardest part of it to you? That's going to be different for every single mom. Some women really face that challenge of going back to work for the first time.  I mean, in my case, I actually didn't want to go back. I, you know, lean in was big at the time. I wanted to lean all the way onto my couch and keep watching Netflix.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Right. All the way back. Say less. I will lean in.  [Erin Erenberg}  Totally. I loved it.  I, you know, the idea that I could be doing everything in the world that was important to breastfeed my baby while watching Netflix and just be slow and calm and all these things that I wasn't at work. I was always just so high key and stressed. I'm a lawyer and had to build out these partnerships and my baby needed my softness, my gentleness.  And I didn't know how to assimilate and make whole those different parts of me. And so going back to work for me was actually what triggered a lot of anxiety and depression and all of that. Somebody else might be feeling the opposite, having a really hard time nursing or feeling pressured to nurse or feeling like, you know, I'm not connecting in the way that I want to with my baby.  What does that mean? Somebody else might feel like their body is shattered and they need some more support from, you know, a pelvic floor therapist or a doctor to figure out what's going on or their hormones are out of whack. Somebody might be feeling all of it.   And so what I want every mom to know is that if you think you're the only one doing it wrong, that is a big fat lie. And I need you to know right now, you're not doing it wrong. It's not you doing it wrong. You were never meant to mother in isolation.  You were meant to mother with support, and you need a mother when you have your baby. I can think of no more important time to feel mothered, to feel loved, to feel cocooned, to feel supported. And if you're listening to this right now and you feel alone and you feel like you're not doing it right, I promise you, it's not you.  I would suggest for you to rethink of one person in your life. It doesn't matter their age, they have kids or not who you feel comfortable with, who you feel receives you and talk to them. You are not alone.  You were never meant to do this alone and it's not you. That's what I want every mom to know. You are not the problem.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  You are not the problem.   [Erin Erenberg}  Yeah. You're not the problem.  [Erin Erenberg}  I started TotUm, which means whole in Latin, very much on purpose, in 2017 because I wanted to do whatever I could to help modern mothers be whole, whether that was access to resources for their body, their minds, their ambition, their relationships. That's another one. I mean, if you're with a partner, that relationship gets rocked.  Your friendships get rocked because, you know, sometimes you have friends that don't have children. You're suddenly on a nap schedule and they're like, what is that? Where did you go? And so I started that platform to do whatever I could to help moms feel whole, jump to the height of COVID. My oldest son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  We have zero family history of type 1 and it rocked my world. In the meantime, I had already started to feel like there wasn't any resource or product or piece of wisdom or mantra that I could provide through Totum that would really do for moms across this country, what they need, because we need systemic change.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  That part.   [Erin Erenberg}  We need federal paid family medical leave.  We need accessible, affordable childcare for everyone. And we need to not be the only country in the world whose maternal mortality rate is increasing by a rate of more than three times for black and brown moms that needs to change. And I got on fire about it, Brandi.  I mean, I was, you know, it's interesting. I'm not sure entirely why, but sitting there with my son facing this new diagnosis in a pediatric ICU, I just felt - I got it. Like my purpose needs to be much more focused.  I need to switch up the systems that are failing moms in this country instead of even subconsciously suggesting that a mom just doesn't have the one thing she needs or the one outlook she needs to change it. I'm an advocate at heart going back to like, who's that real Aaron, like wired for justice, whatever is fair, I'm going to fight for it. At the same time, it felt like such a divine thing because while I was having this wake-up call internally, there were some advocacy groups who were fighting for paid leave: Paid Leave + US, Paid Leave for All, MomsRising.  They were all working to get Biden's American Family Rescue Plan passed because not only did it have 12 weeks of paid family leave, but it was so beautiful, Brandi. There was a care for self was covered, victims of domestic violence were given paid leave, adopted families. It was, you know, your family of choice. So really beautiful bill.  And I was on some White House briefings learning about the bill and I was meant to go to my Totum community and let moms know. So moms could get loud and demand it. Meanwhile, some other of my friends kind of on the internet who live all over the country were also being tapped.  And we came together in November of 2021 when that bill then became railroaded into Build Back Better. And I think most moms across the country didn't know the Build Back Better has to do with anything but bridges and that kind of infrastructure. There's a whole care infrastructure.  So we said, hold on a second. And my co-founder that I just mentioned, Daphne Delvaux, said, you, do you know that the biggest blocker of paid family and medical leave is the Chamber of Commerce. They have it on their jobs, killer list.  And where's the chamber of mothers. And we realized that you look at these affiliation groups, like the AARP, even the NRA, they are groups of people who have the same concerns. Where's the chamber of mothers?  Where's the 85 million moms linking arms saying we've had enough. We're going to stand for ourselves and for one another. And so we built this to fight for paid leave, improve maternal health in this country (and that's both mental and physical), accessible, affordable childcare. And it's really meant to be this coalition of mothers and here in 2024, we're going to get really noisy. We, we were gifted the IP vote like a mother, and we're bringing moms together, helping them check their voter status, because that's a big issue of there's a lot of systemic racism and poverty baked into whether people are aware of their status, get them registered and help them become aware of what the issues are, how to make themselves aware of where candidates stand on the issues that concern them.  And it's not a partisan movement. This is about putting the power back in your hands as a mom and helping you quickly get the information you need to see the change that you yearn for. And so that's just really what I want moms to know.  You are not the problem. The system's the problem. And our mission is uniting moms as advocates to create the country they want to live in and bestow upon future generations.  So we are equipping, you're making it easy to be an advocate. You know, enough is enough. And so I say to that mom, you're not the problem.  And if you want to fight for change, even if it's during nap time, even if it's just making one phone call or email or coming to a meeting, you should follow us at Chamber of Mothers on Instagram and be a part of this.  

(26:53) Going to work after baby 

[Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Okay, so what is the best way that a mom can prepare to go back to work?   [Erin Erenberg}  Number one, get clear on what you want. Make a plan, communicate, think about the people in your life.  If you can't afford paid care, how can you get creative? How can you look at some folks that might be in your family or extended family or neighbors or you know, there might be some older people in your neighborhood that would just, you know, love to help in some way. Put together a plan so that you are supported to reach the goals that you want to reach at work. Also be gentle with yourself. Think about a phased return.  Think about asking for a phased return. And even if that's not something that's available in as specific a way as you might want where it's two days a week or three days a week. Think about just going slowly with yourself being gentle with yourself.  Yeah, being gentle with the expectations you have. The other thing that was really helpful to me and I think is a helpful reframe for a lot of moms is if you can focus on your value being presence. Try to just prioritize presence.  If you're at work, be present with your feelings, be present with what you need to get done that day, half hour by half hour, hour by hour, day by day, be present with it, be present with those goals. Try to shut down that voice that's feeling guilty about you know, what's happening at daycare? What's happening with the nanny? Did my baby, you know, do I try to be present with where you are. And if you have an overwhelming kind of need or desire to be present with your baby, also acknowledge that, that you're having that yearning, you're having that feeling. And then when you're at home, be present with your family, be present with your partner, be present with your children, the things that light you up where you really feel that connection.  It just brings so much joy and bring so much meaning to the relationship with your children. Leaning into that value of presence can be so very helpful. And also find your people, find your people at work who have been there, you know, maybe they're mothers whose kids are a little bit older than yours, or find if there's a group of parents who have babies of similar age, even dads, you know, there was a dad that I worked with who really, really understood it, and I don't know how I would have gotten through in early days without just sort of him being on my page and understanding that I was feeling low. Another sort of tip I would give is if you are nursing, put calendar holds on your shared calendar, and it doesn't have to say pumping…  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Block it out   [Erin Erenberg}  … And treat it like it's a meeting with an investor or a board member. That's so key to keeping up supply. If that's a goal of yours, and I'm not saying it needs to be, but if it is a goal of yours, and it's important to you, it's going to be important to your health to not get mastitis. It's going to be important to keep your supply up. I used to do it three times a day, Brandi, and even at WME, when all my colleagues were dudes, you know, those little sterilizing bags that you pop all your pump parts in the microwave. I had a young male colleague who's an agent at WME asked me why I made chicken breast every day. It's like, you just love your chicken breast in the microwave.  And I was like, I sure do. I sure do.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Chicken Breast – what are you talking about? You're like, do tell.  [Erin Erenberg}  Do tell. He thought every day I would just put my little chicken breast in there and serve myself lunch. They didn't need to know.  But what they did need to know was that like I was coming in there using that kitchen, washing my little pump parts, and that I had a hold on my calendar three times a day, every day. It's easier to keep that sacred once you decide it's sacred.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  You have to decide.  Because that's the part too. No one is going to care. I'm going to say that. Care as much as you will. They will literally just take - take all the time.  [Erin Erenberg] They will take all the time. Yes. Honestly, many times it's not even nefarious. No. It's just folks trying to get their work done. They really want Brandi, and if Brandi's available, that's all they know. Everybody's self-focused in this world. And so I think we ought to get out of our own way and realize if something's important enough to us, we have to hold it sacred and just keep it moving. 

(31:15) The importance of communicating with your partner and being deliberate 

[Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Do you have any tips for families who may have a parent that is deciding not to go back to work and how can they set themselves up for success when they're losing one income?   [Erin Erenberg] Again, it requires communication. It requires being really deliberate. And I'll be the first to say communication can feel like a big job.  It can feel like I'm exhausted. Even making this choice to stay home or even that term is just so icky, isn't it? Stay home as if moms just sit around and stay home.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Oh, we just stay home.    [Erin Erenberg] Just stay home. Stay. We're chilling. Just stay at home.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  It's like it's work. It's work. It's still work.   [Erin Erenberg] It's so much work. If you're making that choice to be working at home and leaning into care at home, that in and of itself feels huge.  And so the idea of communicating about it and getting really specific about who's doing what may feel like a chore, but I promise you it pays off in spades if you can get ahead of it and be very clear. And again, I'm assuming that you have a partner here and that's, I guess, the framework of the question, right? They're choosing to be the default parent, the default caregiver outside of paid work. You really need to be communicating with your partner.  Here's the thing too. I want everybody to shut down. If you are working at home, that does not mean that you are defaulting into all of the household labor into all of the default parenting.  It simply means that you are now doing unpaid labor at home. And so there still needs to be a division of labor, a division of the household labor.   So many people now know about Eve Rodsky and Fair Play. Her whole method is getting really clear on, first of all, building your deck of cards of like, what are all the things that we decide as a family we need to do? That's very values driven. And then being very clear about who is taking on what. Because I promise you, if you don't get deliberate about that, it's going to mostly fall into the woman's camp and you don't want that. And it builds resentment. And that's something to just be very clear about from the outset.   What works in our family is a little bit different. We don't do the cards, but I just have a clear calendar. And every week I own the labor of writing on the calendar what's going on. Everything from if I have an important board meeting or I'm traveling to all the different sports and extracurriculars our kids are in, any important tasks, I put it on there.  And then my husband and I on Sunday put our initials next to who's doing what. That way it's very clear. It's, it's week by week.  You and I talked before the, before we started here about day by day and hour by hour, what life feels like too much. That is always what I go back to Brandi, like just mini, how can I chunk this out? So we go week by week, day by day and put initials next to it. And the other thing that I'll say for that person who is leaning into care at home and deciding to step away from paid work for a season, please know that if you're looking at childcare costs down the road, those costs come from the household income.  It drives me absolutely insane when I hear a mom say, well, I had to leave my paid work because if you subtract the childcare from my salary, it didn't make sense. Why are we not looking at the household income? You know, you're, you're sort of deciding that, that, that childcare is only sitting within the mom's realm. And that's a big lie that I like to bust right up.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Say that again for the people in the back.   [Erin Erenberg}  Okay. Let me say it.  So here's the lie I hear. I hear a lot of moms say this. I can't go back to work because when we added up the cost of daycare or a nanny or childcare and subtracted it from my salary, it didn't make sense for me to go back to work.  The truth is in a two parent household, you're going to subtract the cost of childcare from the household income. That means your husband's income and your income or your not just income and your income, not just yours.   And it's wild how much we do that. And I'm the first, I did that at first. And then it occurred to me, wait, hold on a second.  These children are both of ours. This is our responsibility.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Yes.  Can you share about the work that Chamber of Mothers is doing? I feel like you've already shared this, but is there anything else you want to add with that?   [Erin Erenberg}  We fight for paid family medical leave, affordable, accessible childcare for all and improve maternal health outcomes in this country. The way in which we do it is at the federal level, we lobby. So we can go in and talk to lawmakers.  We talk to Congress people, both on the Rep side and the Congress side, Republicans and Democrats. And we talk to them about our issues. We look at what law and policy is up for vote.  What pieces of legislation are coming up that impact one of our three pillars. And we have candid conversations. We go in prepared with materials on why there's a good business case, a good what's the fiscal case for doing the right thing, because that's what our lawmakers really need to care about, especially when everybody's looking at budget. There's a really strong economic case for paid family medical leave. Same with childcare, same with maternal health. And we really persuade them to put these issues front and center because many, many times folks don't run on these platforms.  And so they need people like the Chamber of Mothers to come and remind them that these votes are really critically important.   We then on a more hometown and state and local level, we have our local chapters. That's a place where moms can come together, feel really safe, feel really seen, feel really held and be in community and understand what it means to advocate together. You Brandi might be a creative, I'm just guessing. And your way of advocating is to use your creative genius to make change.  Somebody else like me, I might be a rebel. I'm going to use my talents in a different way. So we help everybody in that room.  We know everybody's overwhelmed. It has so much on their plates and you want things to be different. So how can you lean into who you really are that essence, that Brandi-ness and advocate for change and do it in community.  That is where that's, that's what we do at our local chapter meetings. And then from there we create action plans. So, you know, our friends in Boston, our Boston local chapter was really concerned about maternal mental health. They had a terrible loss of a mom and children in their community to postpartum psychosis. We brought in some doctors that could help them and they put together a community action plan to bring awareness to mental health challenges of new moms and worked with Mass General. And we have an amazing doctor, Dr. Rachel Blake, who's on our board, who's Harvard trained and works at Mass General, who's getting all that information out to moms.   We make action plans that are more community centered like that. And also very specific government policy action plans around things like paid leave, childcare and maternal health.  And then the third thing is narrative shift, helping moms remember that they are powerful, even if they are out of time and out of bandwidth, they are powerful. Moms are more capable than anybody I've ever met at getting things done and brilliant. And in community, we can, we can do so much.  So really shifting that Overton window, that understanding of a mom's power in this country and emboldening moms. And we do a lot of work on that through creative programs. And by the way, we are you moms, there is no Chamber of Mothers out there.  This is all of us. We're going to be tapping on all of you. I would love you to just right now, open Instagram as long as you're not driving and go to that Chamber of Mothers and give us a follow because this is your movement to make change in this country. 

(40:10) Babywearing saved me – must have product 

[Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  What is the must have product that you would recommend to new parents?   [Erin Erenberg}  I know this is going to sound like you put me up to this, but truly an Ergo -  it is. I lovend there's a specific one that I have that's super duper soft. It was key for me to be able to carry my babies around and stay as present as I needed to be. I, the other thing I will say is also be very aware and get some support around baby wearing, knowing like how to do it in a way that you're supporting your pelvic health - that is huge. I got some help around that and it made a huge difference, but especially if you're a mom of multiples, that's my number one go-to. I think if it's your first baby, what my go-to was because I nursed was a pump bra that held the pump in place for you.  Yeah. I think everybody has that now, but that was so key for me to move around.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  That’s a game changer.  For anyone that's feeling like I'm just one person, how can I make a difference? What are some practical ways that we can support working parents?   [Erin Erenberg}  I would say think about first and foremost, what issue is most important to you? Because that's how you're going to sustain movement and activism. What's most important to you? Is it paid leave? Were you really fired up and ticked off that you had to go right back to work or you didn't have enough time? If it's that, then we can help you make an action plan about that.   We're about to roll out advocacy toolkits that are really specific. There's scripting in there. There's click here to contact your congressperson and we go issue by issue. So I would say tap into what you care about, be in community with it, find some other folks, maybe join a local chapter if there's one in your area.  And I would say if it's about going back to work and you want a private sector sort of solution, again, communicate, find the people that have been there, too, that you work with, find what worked for them, what didn't work for them, be in conversation with the decision maker and just honestly ask for what you need.  

(42:15) Worrying about entitlement keeps Erin up at night  

[Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  What keeps you up at night as a mama?   [Erin Erenberg}   I'm gonna be really honest with you. It's entitlement.  I have an 11 year old little boy and he's growing up in a different way than I grew up. And I grew up, you know, in a hometown in Steubenville, Ohio. We were a steel mill town. Everybody was just working families. In a great way I saw everything. Our kids have more and it stresses me out.  [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Absolutely.   [Erin Erenberg}  I just worry about how to parent a child in a way that keeps him grounded, that keeps him concerned about people around him, that exposes him to folks who have different socio-economic struggles, different physical ableist struggles, that whole spectrum, folks that are dealing, you know, with bias and race and all of that. I worry now that our kids have more than they need and how to raise kids that are grounded when they have more than what they need.  That's my honest concern.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  I get that. It's a totally different generation and totally different story.  [Erin Erenberg}  It is.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  It's hard. It's very hard. So I feel you on that.  

(43:28) You are not alone, even if you feel like you are 

[Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  I know there are people who are parents who are listening into this episode.  So more than likely, they are parents that are maybe listening and they might be pacing the floor with their little one attached to them. What would you tell them right now?   [Erin Erenberg}  You're not alone. But I just want you to know that if you're struggling and feeling alone, it's not you.  It's that we are really isolated in this country for such a wealthy country. We are very isolated and we are very alone. And a lot of folks are really struggling to make ends meet, to put food on the table, to have the care that they need, just feeling utterly alone.  It's not you. And I want you to know that I know the experience that mothers face across this country. And I care for you.  I hope that you find somebody in your community that you can be really honest with because shame cannot live when it's exposed. And if you can talk to a friend about what you're going through, even just with humor, it doesn't have to be heavy or deep. Just let somebody.  I remember one of the first times I interacted with Brandi, it was during the pandemic. And I asked her, how are you feeling right now? Go grab an item behind you to show what it's been like to parent during the pandemic. She grabbed bananas.  It's bananas, right? And I remember just feeling so light knowing that somebody as amazing as Brandi was also in a time that was just bananas.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  It's bananas.   [Erin Erenberg}  It's bananas. It's not you. So find a friend. You're not alone. Sending you so much love.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Well, thank you so much for listening, everyone. Always a pleasure speaking with you, Erin.  [Erin Erenberg}  You too, Brandi.   [Brandi Sellerz-Jackson]  Thank you for being here.   [Erin Erenberg}  My pleasure. Thanks for having me. What a delight.  

All About Baby Carriers for Nature Adventures

All About Baby Carriers for Nature Adventures

Safety Tips:

• Proper Positioning: Ensure your baby is seated correctly, with their legs in an "M" position and their head should be close enough to kiss.
• Checking for Wear and Tear: Regularly inspect your carrier for any signs of damage.
• Ensuring Adequate Support: Make sure the carrier provides proper support for your baby’s head and neck.

Exploring Nature with a Baby Carrier 

Advantages of Using Strollers for Nature Adventures 

Benefits of Bringing a Stroller

• Storage Space for Gear: Ample room for carrying all your essentials like a diaper bag, beach toys and more.
• Shade and Weather Protection: Built-in canopies to shield your baby from the sun when they are lounging.
•  Options: If you have more than one kid, you can stroll with one and carry the other. Or, if you’re getting warm or your little one is getting fussy, you can switch up their position from stroller to carrier or vice versa.

Safety Tips for Strollers

• Ensure your stroller is in good working condition. Make sure buckles are still buckling and that there are no rips or holes that could compromise your baby’s safety.
• Use sunshades or bug nets to protect your little one’s skin.
• Securing the baby properly: always buckle up your baby for safety even if you think they are old enough to go without the buckle.

Summer adventures with your baby are a wonderful way to create lasting memories and enjoy the beauty of nature together. From baby carriers to strollers, Ergobaby products are designed to provide comfort and ease for both you and your little one. So, gear up, get outside, and explore the world with your baby by your side.

Ready to embark on your own summer adventures? Check out Ergobaby’s range of baby carriers and strollers to find the perfect match for your family’s needs. Visit our website today and start planning your next outdoor excursion!